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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…whoa. Whoa. What simply happened here? Did Harry Potter abduct me in the night and take me back to 2009? I simply sat on the bench and watched Barcelona score six goals IN THE FIRST HALF towards Levante. Without me. “End of an era” Barcelona. Barcelona that misplaced in the Champions League semifinals 7-0 on combination to Bayern Munich. Barcelona that now has a new manager from Argentina referred to as Tutu or something. I do not even know his identify but as a result of it’s the primary day of the season and the rating is 6-0 after forty five MINUTES while I’m sitting right here just like the sixth member of One Route.
I was supposed to avoid wasting this membership. Yeah, they received the league final 12 months 15 factors away from Real Madrid, however everybody was still all like, “Yep, Barcelona’s accomplished now. They’re over. Better stick flexible straws in our ears and finish the home lobotomy we have to be doing to think something as utterly silly as that.” Nonetheless, I used to be going to be the guy who keeps Messi at the prime. I was going to come in and be that guy. After which I was going to surpass him in each way conceivable. However that was going to be later, after he loves me and develops an insatiable lust for unique hams and does not care anymore.
Anyway, that is simply ridiculous. They did not beat anyone 7-zero final season. Nobody. They played Levante twice last season and solely received 5-0 in those two matches combined. I know that because I just checked since I am sitting on the bench, drawing on my finger with a pen and watching them score six objectives in opposition to Levante in a single half. And now it is halftime and I am still here by myself as a result of I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
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Seriously, what do I do now? Should I study to knit? Would that be helpful? I beat Spain and received the Golden Ball on the Confederations Cup. Ought to I simply begin knitting stuff for individuals whereas all of them rating targets and be excellent all season? Ought to I fold towels? Turn into a superb sandwich artist at Subway? They’d in all probability make me put on a hairnet there and that might be the worst day of my life everyday ceaselessly. Oh wait, someone’s really talking to me. I’ll want a second to recollect what it is like to actually exist.
“Hey Neymar, come on into the match now.” Thanks, guys. It is 6-zero an hour into the game. If I score a purpose or three now I’m just going to really feel like a bully who takes ice cream from people who can solely eat dairy merchandise. Incredible. Blissful birthday to me though my birthday is really in February. Nice.
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And that is a yellow card. That is my contribution on the day. A yellow card within the 88th minute when it’s 7-0. Name me when the group really needs me as a result of we’re solely up like 5-zero and Alexis Sanchez can’t find his different shoe. Within the meantime, I will be volunteering for Messi’s foundation to do something actually useful. And no one’s even listening. Excellent.
Neymar reacts to Barcelona’s domination of Levante from the bench
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